3 Dating Tips for Men (By Women)
So now that you’ve ventured into the world of online dating, allow me to tell you what it’s like on the female side. We’re inundated by hundreds of messages over a week, sometimes by multiple guys who have either forgotten they already emailed us or think we’re a “stuck up bitch” because we never got around to responding, despite the fact that all they said was “hey” in their message.
Here’s what happens when someone emails us “hey”.. We delete it. We don’t respond. We don’t ask them questions about themselves. We don’t respond “hey” back. If you’re that uncreative then any response would be a waste our precious time, and let’s face it, there are dozens of other messages that we have to read through.
Talking to women online requires respect and finesse. With that in mind, here are some common mistakes guys make when having a conversation with a woman.
(1) Don’t Jump Straight to Something Intimate Sounding or Sexual
The number one example of this is not some guy leading with his dick, but him referring to us by a pet name such as honey or babe. We’ve never met you and yet you’re trying to force an intimacy on us that is neither welcome nor appropriate. Here we are in a situation where we’re trying to get to know one another, basically trying to feel each other out, and you’re already acting like our boyfriend. This sends up red flags everywhere. Men need to be able to manage their expectations in a situation like this. Get to know us. Talk to us like we’re a person, not your baby, not your girlfriend, like a person that you don’t know and you want to get to know. Because that’s what the situation is. When you come across overly intimately in an icebreaker message you seem like a creeper. While it’s probable that you just don’t know how to talk to women, guys who assume that kind of familiarity and have those sorts of expectations can also be possessive abusers. So it’s important to understand what the situation is, how women are going to relate to that, and what you should do instead.
(2) Don’t Ask Yes or No Questions
This doesn’t mean you’re a jerk or something, but it’s a dead end to the conversation. You want to ask open ended questions and you want the lady you’re flirting with to feel comfortable talking about herself.
Read her profile. If you see she likes a band you like, talk about their album, but leave the conversation open ended. You don’t just want to rattle off about how great their last album was, you want to ask her about other stuff she likes. Give her a reason to respond. We like that. There’s nothing women like more than talking about themselves. Trust me. When a guy gives an inroad to talk about stuff we like or ourselves, it creates an energy and a dynamic to the give and take. It’s super great!
(3) Don’t Be Overly Flattering
Girls love compliments, but we actually don’t. The thing is we don’t believe you. We’re suspicious of your motives. Is he telling me I’m hot because he wants to bone me? Or am I really hot? We don’t know. Instead of being overly complimentary to us, be complimentary of the dynamic we shared. I love it when guys say they had a really good time, or that was a cool conversation. I don’t feel pressured to respond like “well, you look hot too, I guess” or feel self-conscious. So yeah, “I saw your profile and you seemed really cool” is good enough. We don’t need to know how pretty we are. Thanks though. You’re hot too. I guess.