mars 2017

First date tips for men

3 First Date Tips: The Do’s and Don’ts

Let’s face it. First dates suck. They’re nerve wracking, awkward, and usually result in failure. But you’ve made it this far, and with nothing to lose, other than a couple hours, the chance that it could turn into something good, even though it probably won’t, there’s a few ways that you can hedge your bets and avoid a completely miserable soul ravaging experience.

First Date Tips: The Don’ts

(1) Don’t Trigger her Red Flags

Dating for men is hard, but it’s even harder for women. Women have to worry about their safety. While men should also be concerned, they generally don’t go out of their way to (say) text friends that their ok every hour or take precautions. With that in mind, you have to realize that women are on the lookout for red flags. While you don’t want to be too afraid to say anything, you also don’t want to lead off with a rape joke or show her a picture of your cock on your phone. Neither of these are likely to impress her, and you’ll never hear from her again.

There is always going to a fine line between seeming dangerous enough to be sexual, and making her unsafe and seeming threatening. You don’t want to seem unoffensive, but you don’t want to be offensive either. Your best bet given this flurry of seemingly contradictory advice, is to simply be yourself, and to leave her free to either like it or not. That’s what she’s going to do anyway, and you have little to no control over how someone else feels. When you recognize this, it takes much of burden and stress of the situation. If it doesn’t work out, who cares? Move on to the next date.

Best Dating Tips For Men: The Do’s

(2) Relax and Be Yourself

Relax. Nine first dates out of ten will not result in long term relationships. If it doesn’t work out, that’s not the end of the world. When you try too hard you seem desperate and needy, and women see that as a red flag, and with good reason. Clingers are no fun to be around. They’re abusive and scary. The whole thing gets ugly so you don’t want that to be the way you come across.

(3) You’re There to Get to Know Her

Remember what you’re there for. You’re there to get to know her. Two people, doing something together, in order to get to know one another. Be engaging. Ask her questions. Make eye contact, but without staring at her. You want to feel her out. Pay attention to her body language. Get her laughing. If you seem nervous, that’s ok. A little nervousness is endearing. She’s nervous too. The whole experience is nerve racking. The best thing you can do is to get her talking about herself, her work, concerts she’s been to, what her family is like. It’s all about the two of you getting to know one another. If there’s no chemistry, that will become apparently. It’s disappointing for sure, but it’s not the end of the world. Another date will be soon around the corner and if you repeat this process enough times, inevitably, you will meet someone who you really mesh with and it’ll be great.

Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, and don’t put any pressure on her. Don’t force conversations where they have no business going, and don’t go off talking about how you’re a writer but the publishing industry sucks and no one reads poetry anymore.

Dating tips for men (by women)

3 Dating Tips for Men (By Women)

So now that you’ve ventured into the world of online dating, allow me to tell you what it’s like on the female side. We’re inundated by hundreds of messages over a week, sometimes by multiple guys who have either forgotten they already emailed us or think we’re a “stuck up bitch” because we never got around to responding, despite the fact that all they said was “hey” in their message.

Here’s what happens when someone emails us “hey”.. We delete it. We don’t respond. We don’t ask them questions about themselves. We don’t respond “hey” back. If you’re that uncreative then any response would be a waste our precious time, and let’s face it, there are dozens of other messages that we have to read through.

Talking to women online requires respect and finesse. With that in mind, here are some common mistakes guys make when having a conversation with a woman.

(1) Don’t Jump Straight to Something Intimate Sounding or Sexual

The number one example of this is not some guy leading with his dick, but him referring to us by a pet name such as honey or babe. We’ve never met you and yet you’re trying to force an intimacy on us that is neither welcome nor appropriate. Here we are in a situation where we’re trying to get to know one another, basically trying to feel each other out, and you’re already acting like our boyfriend. This sends up red flags everywhere. Men need to be able to manage their expectations in a situation like this. Get to know us. Talk to us like we’re a person, not your baby, not your girlfriend, like a person that you don’t know and you want to get to know. Because that’s what the situation is. When you come across overly intimately in an icebreaker message you seem like a creeper. While it’s probable that you just don’t know how to talk to women, guys who assume that kind of familiarity and have those sorts of expectations can also be possessive abusers. So it’s important to understand what the situation is, how women are going to relate to that, and what you should do instead.

(2) Don’t Ask Yes or No Questions

This doesn’t mean you’re a jerk or something, but it’s a dead end to the conversation. You want to ask open ended questions and you want the lady you’re flirting with to feel comfortable talking about herself.
Read her profile. If you see she likes a band you like, talk about their album, but leave the conversation open ended. You don’t just want to rattle off about how great their last album was, you want to ask her about other stuff she likes. Give her a reason to respond. We like that. There’s nothing women like more than talking about themselves. Trust me. When a guy gives an inroad to talk about stuff we like or ourselves, it creates an energy and a dynamic to the give and take. It’s super great!

(3) Don’t Be Overly Flattering

Girls love compliments, but we actually don’t. The thing is we don’t believe you. We’re suspicious of your motives. Is he telling me I’m hot because he wants to bone me? Or am I really hot? We don’t know. Instead of being overly complimentary to us, be complimentary of the dynamic we shared. I love it when guys say they had a really good time, or that was a cool conversation. I don’t feel pressured to respond like “well, you look hot too, I guess” or feel self-conscious. So yeah, “I saw your profile and you seemed really cool” is good enough. We don’t need to know how pretty we are. Thanks though. You’re hot too. I guess.

Gordon Greko

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3 First Date Tips for Men